STAY small and live LARGE!

Ok, For starters, I have a couple of funny stories to share:


Would you believe that I sent my 2 year old to my friend/sitter's house ... COMMANDO?  Yes, on friday, he wanted to go on his big boy potty so I took his diaper off and threw it away. We were in a rush to get the big kids to school and I put him on the step stool, washed his hands, and whoop! pulled up those pj pants on his bare buns.  I dropped him off at Mrs. Tif's just like that.. yep, good ole commando! A couple hours later, through laughter and tears, she called to tell me what she had discovered.  Thank goodness he hadn't baptized her house, but had kept his diaper pajama pants dry the entire time!


Another funny thing happened with Hen man today on the way to church.  We were about 5 minutes late and I did not want to miss worship.  He was slowly meandering through the parking lot, so I turned around and said curtly.. "Henry, Pick up the PACE, man!" You would have thought he would have fallen in line, and scurried hurriedly along to catch up with me, but no! ... he STOPPED RIGHT THERE and slowly looked around at the ground around him and said, "Momma...(long pause) I don't see any toothpaste on the ground!"  O. M. G. "Come AAWWWNNN," I said, "I mean HURRY UP!!!"


So, that being said, I just got TIMELINE on my Facebook. Have you made the switch? I was looking back at my history and I noticed that on January 4th, I wrote this status update while sitting in the carpool line at the kids' school:

"I believe that each of us truly has a longing inside to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Something great, with a higher purpose than to bless our own already richly blessed lives. What we cannot do is look at the things God is pressing on our hearts to do through the eyes our limited energy, time, and resources. He is infinite and where He leads, He will dwell and fill all the inadequate spaces. All He needs is surrender and obedience."


And here's what I want to say about this.  In my tiny, feeble, little world, I have learned that if this statement is true, if it is true in my own heart and the hearts of my family, then I believe we need to position ourselves in a way that will allow His kingdom plans and purposes to take first place in our lives.


In the past year or so, we have been discussing looking for a bigger house.  Maybe one with a basement, a big back yard, and plenty of rooms for our growing family to spread out.  I mean, for cryin' out loud, I'm trying to run a business up in here. And we have opened ourselves up to the very real possibility of adding to our family one day.  So with the help of a dear friend and agent, in late October, we started looking at some houses.  And we found one that we just loved.  It was perfect for our family. In every way, absolutely perfect.  And honestly in today's market, it wasn't too extravagantly priced.  


We wanted that house.  We really, really wanted that house.  In fact, as it turns out, that home was personal to us.  It was the home of a very dear friend of mine whose husband had just been transferred to Ohio.  I wanted that home to be the answer for us. I also wanted us to be the answer for them.  And it made perfect sense to us.  Clearly God had purposed this.  However neither Sean nor I could get a total peace about pursuing it further.  Everything came to a screeching halt.  It wasn't that the Lord said, "NO!" in a way that was super obvious.  I mean, sure, we could have moved forward, bought the house, and probably been fine.  And the Lord would have still blessed us.  But we would not have been positioning ourselves in the way that He had so clearly spoken for us do.  


We had to lay that house and all of our desires, and even our hopes to be "the answer" for our friends, at the foot of the cross and walk away.  And we had to trust Him that He works all things for the good of those who love HIM and are called according to His purposes.  And so we did.  


The Lord says clearly in His word to "Seek first His kingdom and all of these things will be added unto us".. He also says in Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"  


You see, God showed us that it wasn't at all that the house was a bad thing.  It is a lovely, beautiful home.  It is a truly blessed home and I pray that it will be an absolute blessing to the person who closed on that home the week before Christmas :)
But we were getting ahead of God, and that gnawing feeling in our stomach told us just that. An absence of Peace is that way I can usually discern the Lord holding me back from something.  How else would you explain me having a TOTAL and COMPLETE peace as I sent my beloved friend and husband off to the heart of Africa for 8 days?


The Lord simply said, "Delight yourself in ME, Seek ME, and then all your needs will be taken care of"


So we stayed small,  So we could live LARGE in the peace and purposes of Jesus.  And sure, things do get tight at times, but we have never been more thankful for our home.  And we know ,that we know, that we know... that FOR NOW, we are exactly where we are supposed to be.  And that's a good feeling.  


It's funny. A friend of mine, actually a pretty new friend of mine, (one of those surprise friends that GOD drops out of the sky and lands them in your lap when you didn't even know you needed another friend) shared a very similar story on her blog yesterday. Her name is Joy.  Joy's husband Scott, is who Sean traveled to Uganda with last week. And they had an amazing time literally walking in the plans and purposes of God for His dearly loved children in Uganda.


Anyway, you can read about the Harty's journey here:


http://www.thefruitfulfamily.com/


I don't know all of what God is planning.  But I can tell He's always up to something big. He needs us to position ourselves in a way that says we mean business.. Seeking Him above all else.  And wherever He wants us to take us for His purposes, we want to position ourselves like the bridesmaids, with their lamps on their stands. We want to be ready.


I have more to share about *POSITIONING OURSELVES* and will look forward to mentioning some practical ways to do so (even with small children) in the coming days.


And I mean, if choosing to stay in a smaller house means your husband gets to do this:

And hang out with men like this:

And visit the home of these people (which might I add is probably not any bigger than ours yet they have at least 10 kids last time I checked):

Then, I'd have to wager to say we are pretty much Livin' Large!

Growing Smaller.

Here are excerpts from a post that I started on 6/12/11 and never finished:

I got off of my antidepressant drugs back in February.  It was honestly a miracle.  For 3 years, I was completely dependent on them, and I'll try not to elaborate for now.  It happened during the snowstorm.  Snow fell from the sky in giant white drifts, covering everything as far as the eye could see.  We were completely snowed in for almost a week.  No work, no mail, no trips the the grocery store, or Target, or anywhere.  No worries, no pressure to create, or be great at anything.  Neighbors who had not seen one another for months were playing in the street and having impromptu lunches of chili and cornbread.. and sharing their milk with one another!  I spent a good part of the week doing this:

Yes, that is me sliding down the front yard in my North Face Parka to make me slick.  I slid at night, I slid during the day, I slid in my nightgown, I slid with the kids.. on outdoor chair cushions, on cardboard box lids, on tough rubber intertubes.. Ask my neighbors.  I slid, and i screamed with delight and joy.. and I forgot to take my medicine for 5 straight days.  It was initiated by Him, totally a miracle.. I cannot take credit.  I cannot give advice on how to wean off of drugs of any kind.  All I can say is that I'm just really, really thankful.

There have been lots of benefits.  For starters, I can feel again.. AND cry again - tears of pain, of sadness, and of Joy.  For three years, I could not cry if I tried to.  And that included the time of my sisters accident and death.  Now tears flow all the time, and at the strangest times. Tears that are healing, tears that are initiated by Jesus, and flow for a purpose.  That purpose sometimes unknown. 

But lately I have been feeling some of my same symptoms again.  Worry.  Fear.  Anxiety.  Insecurity.  Self loathing thoughts.  Inadequacy.  Yes.  Me.  Sinking. Sinking. Sinking.

For the last several weeks I have analyzed, and I have analyzed some more.  I have reflected inward at the awful reality of my human-ness. And finally, I heard the voice of the One *who loves me so dearly* say.. "You took your eyes off."  Just like Peter and the boat.  I was looking around me at things I could not control.  I was having fears about my abilities, about the future, fears of failing.

The Lord gave me a glimpse of how He saw me from His ever wise, heavenly, eternal perspective.  As long as my eyes are on Jesus and I am walking toward him like Peter on the water, keeping focused on the goal which is Christ, and His sufficient grace in all things I am called to do, then even if all is not right with the world around me, I am grounded with a heavenly confidence that cannot be shaken, and I am able to soar far above the circumstances around me.  

This was a very profound revelation for me.  Then the Lord took me even one step further.  He led me to face the possibility of all of those fears coming true.  And I did.  And you know what?  I thought about what would happen if all of those things happened.  *What If* my abilities ceased, *What If* the provision ran out, *What If* we failed?  Then He showed me that my false sense of control had me thinking that all of that was dependent on me.. but in truth I AM NOTHING without Him.  HE is my provision.  HE is the source of my creativity.  HE is our success.  In HIM all things hold together.  Without Him, they do not.  And as long as we are walking toward Him, if all things earthly and circumstantial fall apart, We will still be ok.  We can rejoice in our low position because ultimately we are fully dependent on Him at all times.  

Psalm 121

A song of ascents. ¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

   where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,

   the Maker of heaven and earth.

 ³ He will not let your foot slip—

   he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel

   will neither slumber nor sleep.

 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—

   the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,

   nor the moon by night.

 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—

   he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going

   both now and forevermore.

Dear friend, what present circumstances are you in. Lift up your eyes to Jesus, the AUTHOR and FINISHER of our faith.  Ask Him to give you His perspective.  Chew on that which is living and active and sharper than any double edged sword.. Him who is sufficient and able to reconcile all things in His glorious cross.

UPDATE: 1/28/12:

 I have much to share these days, but this post was waiting as a draft and I could not move forward without sharing this. It was such a pertinent revelation that has brought me one step further in experiencing the true freedom that only comes from hiding in Him.. I feel this is something that many of us struggle with from day to day.  In fact, I often need to be reminded *every hour* of my complete and total need for Him.  In fact, when we set our eyes on Him, our present circumstances become quite SMALL in the light of His eternal perspective. 

Wherever you are today, allow yourself to become SMALL as you hide in Him.

Be Blessed today sweet friends.