The Alpha Post

Well, I want to scream.

I have so much in my mind, my heart that I want to write.

But this is my very first post... my alpha post.

So I scream out with angst as I work it out.. how i want to begin this journey.

Here I sit. (on the couch under a blanket.. watching a movie with my husband.)

Excited. Nervous. Hopeful.

EXCITED. because I have been wanting to start this blog for quite some time.

Also, because I thought of the perfect name and the blog address was available.. The title is

"Eclipsed by His Glory" because that is how I see myself right now. I have always desired more of Him, less of me.. until I had the revelation that I want to be totally eclipsed by Him...

I look at my life.. the things accomplished by sheer grace from God, the dreams aspired and realized, the undeserved gifts of love I have been given (my 3 kids and 1 loving man, just to name a few!) And I know, I know that each of those things should pale in comparison to the goodness and the greatness of His Glory. Yet, in those faces, the goodness and the greatness of His glory are constantly being revealed to me. And His Joy, and His Grace, and well, other things too countless to mention.

I know that there has to be more. Because I long for the things of Him. It's walking in step with Him and His purposes that brings the truest, most fulfilling Joy to my heart and soul. It's answering to His little whispers to lay my life down, one little thing at a time, that makes me the happiest.

And I don't feel like I am at all there, walking quite in step. But I want to. I wish I could one day be walking so closely in step that if you ever were to view me walking on the other side of Jesus, my body would be completely hidden by His.... Like when the sun is fully eclipsed by the moon... I wish. maybe one day.. It's a long shot.. a lofty goal..something to shoot for.. and yet another thing that could only be accomplished by His grace.

NERVOUS...I'm nervous because I'm putting my vulnerable thoughts and life out there. I don't exactly know what all lies ahead. ( i do have a few ideas up my sleeve. ) I fear that I would say the wrong thing. I fear that I might be perceived wrong. That I might get ahead of myself. That I might lag behind. That you might see the real me.

I had one of the very first blogs here on blogger.. back in 2006 I started it. It had some great pics of my babies.. and some really funny stories. I kept it going for about a year. Then all for the sake of perfection, I deleted it. It bothered me that the pictures and posts on the blog weren't perfect in my eyes.. That others would be "seeing" the real us. I even began my battle with depression around that time that would last 3 years. (I will share that story at a later date). Ironically, now I am starting this blog, after all this time, with the intention to show my imperfection..our reality. to show the real me, the real us. To disclose our shortcomings and our daily grind... to give glory where glory is due.

HOPEFUL.. This is the start of something good. The start of the rest of our life. So much to look forward to. So much to hope for.. Even in the rough times, we will still look towards the light.. and the one who has called us is faithful and He will accomplish through us what He put us here to do... Anyway, I hope so. I really, really hope so.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5

Laura